That Day

A few months ago, I was talking about past relationships with a friend. She talked about how she made so many plans with her ex and now... those plans just remained plans... it never came to life. It's funny how we often talk about the future with our significant other, without knowing what will come, who you'll become, the things that might change between the two of you. The future seems suddenly bright, no? Now back to my friend, she felt a little sad that she made all those plans, and ironically, that person wasn't there anymore to complete it with her. She felt hollow about it.

Of course, me being the bitter person I am just replied "c'mon.. it's bound to happen.. there'll be a day when you won't even care about it anymore". I was reaaallllly fed up talking about love at that time, and didn't really think much of our conversation.. well up until about now.

I've been feeling the same hollow feeling that she had when we talked. Perhaps it's the feeling when ghosts haunt because of unfinished business? I thought about what I said to her, "there'll be a day when you don't even care about it anymore".... When you put so much effort and faith into a relationship, will that day ever come? That day, when you remember it, all you feel is kind of a bittersweet feeling, and you can't help but smile about it. 

I pondered. If I could describe the feeling, it must have meant that it's true right, that I've felt it before? And I guess I could do it again.  

I'm as bitter as I ever was towards love now.. I don't know. Sometimes I just wanna be like Liz Lemon at the time when she gave up on love and wore sweaters and grandma pants. I don't know anymore (._____.) So now I'm just focusing on my studies and *trying* to always stay positive about the future.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not being negative, but more like, just hoping for the best and getting on with my life. Well I am happy, as I always am, but goooooooossssshhhhhhhhh I hate it when I suddenly feel soooo doooown for no reason. But hey, I've stopped bullying myself and I actually defended all those negative thoughts. Progress for me! *gives herself a gold sticker*. I'm having bad dreams (again) despite my positive happy-go-lucky attitude I have on everyday. Falling asleep hasn't been a problem before (I could fall asleep anytime anywhere for less than a minute!) but it's a problem now :|   

I think I'm gonna stay away from social media sites and stop posting sad-oh-poor-me statuses. I don't want others to portray me like that, or worse, getting pitied upon. I'm not giving up on hope... just not setting any expectations I guess. And yes, I do absolutely positively strongly believe that I will be all right, and indeeeeeed this aaalll will become a bittersweet memory! I am stronger than I think! 

Oh, I'm thinking about video blogging. Would you guys be interested? I saved enough to buy my own dslr camera :D