Istikhoroh

Hellooo! Apa kabar semuaaa? Gmn puasanya? Lancar kah? :D Kalo di sini baru hari kedua berpuasa :3 Well nothing much happened, to sum it all up, I went umroh, got new glasses oh... and YESTERDAY... I think that my prayers are answered.

So, selama dua bulan ini gw non-stop sholat istikhoroh. Apa itu sholat istikhoroh? Sholat untuk meminta pilihan terbaik. Bisa apa aja kok, bukan untuk soal jodoh aja, tapi dalem hal ini...... gw sholat istikhoroh untuk meminta pilihan jodoh terbaik. AHAHAHA :'D

Sebenarnya gw udh pernah sholat istikhoroh, tapi baru kali ini istikhorohin orang eehehehe.. Kenapa? Well, pemikiran gw bodoh banget. Karena, gw takut istikhorohin orang gara2 takut dipisah, karena deep down, I might know that he is not the right person for me. So I just never did it. I know, stupid right? Soalnyaaa... namanya juga meminta pilihan TERBAIK jadi walaupun dipisahpun juga itu jalan yang terbaik. 

Pengalaman gw dengan sholat istikhoroh slama dua bulan itu cukup unik. Katanya ya, kalo abs sholat istikhoroh biasanya dikasih sebuah "tanda" lewat mimpi. Tapi gw tanya ke guru ngaji dan ke boss gw (my spiritual/religious mentor at the moment) ga slalu seperti itu. Tapi...... something weeeeiiirrd happened. Jadi abs sholat istikhoroh hari pertama... gw dikasih mimpi. Mimpinya bagus. Mimpinya dia emg jodoh gw. Dan tau ga? Selama terus menurus slama 3 minggu, mimpinya sama. Itu melulu. Aneh kan?  

So slama 3 minggu itu gw bingung bukan main, karena dari orangnya pun kayanya udh lupa sama gw, udh move on. Tapi yaudah, gw tetap sabar, pasrah dan tetap lanjut doa dan istikhorohnya. Setelah 3 minggu itu, mimpi baiknya berhenti. Diganti jadi mimpi buruk. Dan mimpinya sama pulaaaa. Jadi, mimpi kali ini... Gw jatoh.. tapi.. Dia ga sadar gitu kalo gw jatoh. Gw terus menerus minta tolong ke dia tapi dia ga pernah noleh sedikitpun ke gw, dan terus jalan.. Ninggalin gw sendiri. Okeeeeee... Minggu2 berikut itu gw yang tadinya bingung bukan main, skrg gw bingung kaya orang ditanya 1 + 1 berapa jawabnya kentang. Yeaaaaah.. Tapi tetap.. gw sabar, pasrah dan lanjut istikhoroh... bahkan gw juga istikhoroh di Masjidil Harom. AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA :'D

So anyways, kemarin... something happened.. And I think it might be the answer to my prayers. Yah walaupun gw sedih dan amat sangat kecewa tapi it's okay.. I wanted an answer and I got it. Setidaknya hati gw lebih tenang sekarang. Reaksi pertama gw adalah.... whoa. Drama. Seriously? Maksudnya gw udh hidup tenang gitu masiiih aja diuber2 dan dilabrak :| Drama Llama much? Tapi akhirnya, tanggepan yang paling baik atas smua drama itu adalah: humor. Yeah. I cried then I laughed at the funny thought of it. And I knew that I was gonna be happy anyways, with or without all that drama. There will always be drama llamas, but the best way to face them is to ignore them, and just smile at the funny thought of it. So that's what I'm gonna do from now on. Because seriously, who gives a shit? I don't care what you think of me, because I know that I'm a better person than that. And there are a lot of people who think the same as me. Mending gw banyak doa dan ibadah daripada ladenin (-__-)a 

Kemarin gw dinasehatin banyak sama bokap nyokap. I told them what happened and basically their reaction was: "seriously Kat? You're crying over that? Seriously? C'mon, kamu harus tegar harus sabar! Orang kaya gitu mah ga usah dipikirin!" daaan banyak lagi semprotan omelan dan nasehat lainnya. Tapi gpp, I needed that. Really needed that. I'm not as strong as I used to be, so I needed that push. So I guess, my istikhoroh ends here. 

I talked a lot with my mom and dad, and my best friend, Pitu yesterday. They all did the same thing. They saw the good in me, even if I can't see it. Even if my whole self-esteem is corrupted. They still see the good in me. That's what inspires me to not judge and always see the good in everyone. Take them as they are. Mistakes don't define you. What defines you is what you do to make it better. Not everyone will like you, and that's okay, because in the end... It doesn't matter. It's none of your business what other people think of you. You may be bad in the past. But what about now? You're not that person anymore right? You've changed for the better.

What now Kat? My dad recently decided I won't be coming to Indonesia any time soon. I won't be living at my aunt's place anymore. And university? Will have to wait. I'm fine with all of this, toh, kalo itu emang jalan terbaik buat gw why not? Gw jadi lancar ibadahnya, jadi tenang, jadi bisa lebih fokus ke skripsi gw.

One more thing before I sign off, Ayah ngomong sesuatu ke gw kemarin.

"Kat... why are you playing chase? Siklusnya bakal sama lho. Di saat kamu sendiri dan ga mau, dia nguber. Di saat dia sendiri tapi dia ga mau, kamu nguber. Teruuus meneruuus ga ada abisnya. Buat apa? Segala sesuatu yang dimulai dengan pelanggaran bakal ga barokah. Camkan itu. Seandainya jadi, woooh Kat, pasti rumah tangga panas, berantem melulu. Kalo mau sini skalian hadep ayah, lamar hayo, be a gentleman!"

You're right dad. Buat apa Kat?